Hey everyone. First off, thank you for your comments, be they positive or negative; all of them have had merit. Unlike so many discussions like this, there have been no ignorant remarks simply to fuel the fire of hatred. And i truly appreciate that. Maybe its the forum, being on the NPR site; I dont know. But when I follow dialogues on MSN or one of the many other "News" sites that have been reporting non-stop on this topic, it seems that more than half the posts are just ignorance driven tripe. That being said...(must not hit enter...must not hit enter...Apologies for the wall of text, but you know the drill; hit enter and you post.) Oi...where to begin. Well, to start...Im not a racist. I just...cant be. Its not in me. I have an inner voice (i think we all do) and it tells us when were doing something that hurts our soul. Not everyone listens to that voice. I havent always. And its caused me no end of grief. Ill be honest...during those brief moments in the park, after my son was hit, yes...those thoughts, those hellish words, went through my mind. I was angry. Incredibly angry. And it took every ounce of self control to not do something about it. But in the end, I didnt. And when the anger passed, I felt sullied inside. I HATED the way it made me feel. Not the way THEY made me feel, but what my kneejerk, anger driven reaction was. In my past, I have done alot of damage to my soul. And the way I felt that day, that was something that was hurtful to me inside. Im not a racist because its wrong. Fundamentally and morally wrong. Its no different from hating someone because they have long hair, or tattoos and piercings. Or because theyre tall, or short. Or gay or strait. Different. Than you. Your "kind." We lose sight of the fact that everything, EVERYTHING is a circle. To use a tired old analogy, its like tossing a pebble in a pond and watching the ripples go out. What many of you have said, that we have to be responsible for our own behavior, is so very true. At the end of the day we look at no one else but ourselves in the mirror. We answer to no one but ourselves and God. To answer Beth, I took no approach other than my own. I analyzed my feelings, talked to my son. He is a smart kid. He understands. He lives in a very colourful neighborhood in the city. Whites, Afro-Americans, Hispanics, theyre all there. To teach him that one was better than another would not only be wrong, but would deprive him of his childhood. The problem though, in taking him to youth centers and what not, as you mentioned, is that he tends to find the same thing there as we did at the park. He was told by a little black girl in school that she was going to bring her brothers gun into school and shoot him in the head. Because he was white. Did he make that up? I dont think so. His mother and I have been to the school several times about things like this, and the response has always been the same; nothing. We simply dont have the money to send him to another school, and trying to get your kid bussed to a different district is an excercise in futility. One of my closes friends is a teacher at a city school, and she has tried to advocate for us and has had no luck. Its very hard to deal with. He has his friends in the neighborhood, but in school hes alone. He acts like he doesnt mind...but he does. One day after he came home, he had been in a fight at school. We were talking...Ive been a fighter all my life. I was in the military. Martial arts, etc. I was trying to teach him a few fundamentals and he wasnt having it. He stopped me and said "Dad, its not that they hurt me in a fight. I can take that. That doesnt matter...Its what they say that hurts..." How does a parent respond to that? All I could do was hug him so he wouldnt see my eyes start to tear up. I guess i got off the subject of my original line. I just wrote what I was thinking. Now ive forgot what it was I wanted to say in the first place. One thing I do want to comment on, through this ive met a very interesting, kind and intelligent man. I encourage you all, that if youve liked these posts, and have something to say, check out his as well. Leon Wynter. The site is below. He has some great things to say, and it would be well worth your while to go and check it out.

Sorry I can't get this thing to work.

I guess you can't hit the enter key because if you do, it will post your letter.

Hello GAHarden,

I'm realy sorry about what happend at the park I hope that does not keep you from voting. I am black and I can tell you many stories like if not worst depending on your life experience. The Idea is to keep moving forward and control and change what you can. I do agree with your uncertanty with electing an African American to the White House. We will never know the outcome unless we try. One thing is for certain accross race bariers the status quo is and has not worked. Perhaps the best way to see this is not to vote for a Black man but for a person that shows promiss to change Washington, someone who understands true Americans, the majority, As Obama said of the politics, this revolution is not gonna happen from the top down. Anybody expecting our race problem to get solved by the fact of Obama's election, or anything he might directly do in office, needs to wake up and smell the coffee.Similarly, the election of John McCain should not be allowed (or even expected) to stop what's already begun.

Oh, darn this post sytem. Greg, it's Leon Wynter from The American Race...well, from New York. Thanks so much for your comment on post, on your piece (in part). Please do see my followup post at: http://theamericanrace.typepad.com/tar/2008/08/blessed-by-gregs-comment.html . And do get in touch with me to 'dialog' (I hate turning nouns into verbs) by any means comfortable. Peace!

(I really hate this set up for the comments. Hit return and it posts.) Anyhow...You say whites only have to deal with it in poor black america. Again, not true. Blacks are not all poor. Far from it. They are as much a part of our country as we are. We have a candidate for president who is black. So by your statement, you basically say that only poor black people are racist. And the ones who make it out of the ghetto, or arent in the ghetto in the 1st place...what, they grow out of their racism? Or because they "made it" they dont hate whitey anymore? One of the points of this..."Get My Vote" thing, i think, is to show that racism is not cut and dry like you seem to think it is. Its something that is learned, either to be or not to be, by our parents, our teachers, the media, and above all, what we learn by personal experience. I have long hair, a lot of piercings, and alot of tattoo's. Im a big man. I look like a biker. I cannot count the times ive walked into a store and been followed around. Or been pulled over for driving in the "wrong" neighborhood. My doctor is in one of the poorer sections of town. Alot of drug trafficking goes on in that neighborhood. Who gets pulled over there? White people. Why? Because the cops are profiling. They know that most white people wouldnt be caught dead in that neighborhood, unless of course, they are there for drugs. Eh...im getting off my point. Ill end this here by saying simply, take a second look Sean...things are not always as they seem.

I think there are multiple underlying issues here. I believe that race was a factor is you being attacked. And it wasn’t right and it should not be condoned. These acts however are not unique to a white family in a poor black neighborhood. Blacks in poor white neighborhoods see the same types of experiences. The reason why the issue goes so much deeper for people of color is that this type of behavior goes beyond the poor neighborhoods for African Americans. Soon your son will graduate highschool go to college and get a job. He will remember what you taught him about everyone being equal and he will remember being abused by black kids. But in corporate America he is safe. When he needs to provide for his family, he is safe. When he needs to buy a car, a home, a loan. He is treated fairly. African Americans all over America, in all classes have to deal with racism. For Blacks it is not pigeon-held to when they were in a poor white neighborhood. It happens to them in middle class white neighborhoods, upper class white neighborhoods, college, the work force, and sometimes when running for president. This is what makes it different. People of color have to deal with racism in order to function in America. White people only have to deal with it to function in poor black America.

This is something that reinforces my own personal experiences.

Harden is right. Thanks for posting his thoughts.I have discussed w/ some of my black friends about this one way stree of black-only organizations (Black Miss America, black caucuses, BET, etc) & if they improve race relations. Too long, the likes of Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton have been allowed to play the race card over and over for their own personal gain and the nation's detriment. I believe the younger people, blacks and whites and others, will be able to see through the media hype and through those stuck in the sixties and will move forward. There is also a rising chorus of blacks like John McWhorter and Bill Cosby who are calling it like it is.

“How do I teach my kid to treat everyone equally when he’s treated like a pariah in his own school and neighborhood? Because he’s white? How do I keep myself from being racist, when I see these things happening in my own backyard?” These are your really important questions, and here’s my short response to them. See my full post for more. Your son has experienced some of the low end of race relations in the U.S. The answer to your questions, for your son and for yourself, is to take him to experience some of the high end. If you are church-going people, take him to a black church. Not a store-front church with a misspelled sign in the window, but a Methodist or Presbyterian or U.C.C. or Episcopalian or Baptist church that looks like one you’d go into anyway. (A lot of these issues are matters of class at least as much as race.) Take him to meet some of the black people who work in the same field as you or your wife. (If you don’t know who they are, or if you think there aren’t any, then you have work to do on your own perceptions.) Check the newspaper or look online for black art or music festivals (if not in Rochester, then certainly in Pittsburgh). Take him to a poetry reading by a black poet. Take him to a cricket match where black and white sides are playing. (Don’t tell me you can’t find any. Any man who writes “advert” and “bloody book” can find a cricket match somewhere in the northeast.) You will have to put some effort into this. But isn’t keeping yourself and your son from becoming racists worth that effort, and a lot more? You may have to feel uncomfortable sometimes, being a racial minority. Let me say two things about that. First, as white folks have been saying to black folks for a long time now—suck it up. Deal with it. Don’t whine. Don’t blame somebody else. Don’t generalize about people you don’t really know on a personal basis. And second, you will be amazed, and maybe a little embarrassed, at the warmth of the welcome you and your son will receive. If you don’t give in to fear and to the natural prejudices that every human being has, if you open yourself to genuine knowledge about other people, you have a chance to teach your son some wonderful things about life.

I’m writing out of my own experience, as a white man who has worked 28 years in a predominantly black environment. I will put what I have to say about that in a separate post, but I want to respond briefly to some of your specific questions (one paragraph at a time, since that's how this dopey thing works), which I assume are genuine and not just whining, inflammatory rhetoric, since, as you say, you are not a racist.

Willie Sutton was once asked, "Why do you rob banks?" He answered, "Because that's where the money is." Why would a cop roust a black man or pull over a black woman? Why not ask the cop(s) how many of their encounters are with blacks and how many with whites? Further, what is a rousting compared to a punch in the face or a bottle smashed at someone's face? Your husband was "ashamed and humiliated?" You should tell him to suck it up and become a TRUE "proud black man."

Have they, at their tender ages, experienced out-and-out hate from persons of other races? I would bet they have not. On the other hand, they may have glommed on to a sick and all-too-easy ploy taught them by others, "Play the victim and you'd be shocked how many people you can intimidate."

Thanks for writing of your experiences. It was nice to hear from someone who is clearly not a racist. I think many people are frustrated by the same issues.

The comment of this person is not directed toward politics, but rather, as called for by the topic, about race itself. This man's perceptions are valid. Why does every apologist for Obama's record of flip-flopping and inexperience refuse to address the unacceptable aspect of black subculture? This man said nothing about voting for Obama. He said he's sick of dealing with the violence, crime, dependency and sickness of certain aspects of black society. He articulates what is bothering him. Obama himself has recently decried these aspects of black subculture by finally getting out of that hateful church he went to for 20 years. Everyone is sick of the black community crying about the fall out of a hundred years ago. Sen. Obama may get my vote because he is better than Sen McCain, but if McCain gets that vote, I assure you, it will be on the merits, not on Obama's color. After all, he is beige. Both white and black. I guess he himself decided it was better to be black. I am have a couple of ethnicities in me. I have never chosen one over the other.

Background: For 14 years I've been married to an African American man (see my profile for more info); we live in Lancaster, PA. He's the best guy I've ever known--intelligent, wise, gives tons of time to community, cares about human rights as I do; we met at church. One day the secretaries at the education agency where I worked decided to by chicken barbecue from the special ed fund raiser, and we'd all go over to the community park for a picnic. My husband works nearby, so I suggested he join us. Well, he arrived first, and took a seat on a bench under the pavillion. A few minutes later we came along, and as we were getting out of the cars a township cop approached us and said, "Does anyone know this man?" I piped up, "Yes, he's my husband." Uniform looks from one of us to the other, mutters, "OK then" and walks off. Here, a young (white) mother who was pushing her toddler on the swing saw the black man, a stranger, and alerted the policeman to check him out. It's not as if my husband looked scruffy. He was dressed in his Friday business casuals just as we were. Anyway, I didn't think much of the simple mistake, until I saw how my husband responded. Yes, he expressed some anger, but underneath there was hurt and humiliation. Imagine how you would feel if you were accused falsely and eyed suspiciously for simply sitting in a public park. Our relationship was pretty new back then. In the years since, I have come to know many of his AfAm friends and family, and every one of them has a similar story, or several of them. My beautiful, highly respected professional architect step-daughter is routinely pulled over by police where she lives in upstate NY.The point is, most people engage in racial profiling without thinking. They don't really intend to hurt anyone's feelings. But it does hurt, and you could maybe understand how many African Americans, especially if they weren't raised with a lot of education or sensitivity, would be a bit touchy. You point to an incident involving kids. Can we expect kids to act maturely? On the other hand, there are a lot of nasty white people who hate everyone who doesn't look like them and who think they can make themselves look better by cuttin' off the other person's head.

I just remembered, I have a playground story of my own.

THANK YOU. I feel that same way. I wish the blacks would quit vicitmizing (spelling error) themselves. The fathers leave the family unit frequentally and therefore they are hurting themselves. I hope that Obama becomes president and all the whining "African Americans" will become Americans like us European Americans. Take a look at the legal Mexicans in this country, they come here work hard and make a place for themselves. Just like the Indians, Asians and Hatians. I have never had the to go through what you did, but I understand where your frusturation comes from. I wonder if most blacks realize that they only make up 15% of our population. They are seen on TV, sports, and politics more than 15% of the time. One day whites will be the minority in this country and then we will see of any other race can "hold us down". However, I doubt it. Hard work, good family values and peserverance will always prevail. I'm raising my kids with the same basic logic as you but with one difference. This may be racist if so let it be but I ask them to breed with people of our same color. Mainly for my grand cholds sake. Most bi racial kids seem lost and never fully get accepted in todays society. I hope we get some black responces to our blogs, but with such a small percentage its unlikely. Good for you I am also proud to be WHITE and I can still respect other races without being a scum bag racist. We are all part of the same race any way.....human. (kinda cheezy huh?)

You ask some good questions. Some of the questions, however, probably won't be answered even in your son's lifetime.

The truth about race?